Las Vegas, Nevada – Planning to assure his followers that his sniffles are only talk with no action, Republican Nominee Donald J. Trump plans on reassuring everyone that even though he has sniffed, he has never sneezed nor will he sneeze on stage today.

Trump plans on bringing up the fact that he’s actually heard Bill Clinton sneeze on stage. “This is just rigged when people talk about my sniffling. I tell ya, I actually heard Bill Clinton sneeze,” Trump went on to sniffle several times, and snapped at a server when they asked him if he wanted a tissue.

“Hillary has actually received emails from people complaining about Bill Clinton’s sneezing, but unfortunately she obviously has deleted them. This ruins our country, and her and Barack Osama are the reason we’re now a third world country.”

When told that we’re no where near a third world country and that the president’s name was Obama, Trump denied it and emphasized that Obama’s real name is Osama.

“I obviously didn’t create the birther controversy, in fact I ended it. But Obama is really named Osama since you know he doesn’t look very presidential.”


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