Denver, Colorado – Dave Camby, age 37, has started a new diet that he hopes will catch on, and he wants everyone to know about it. He calls it the high fructose corn syrup diet and it is exactly what it sounds like. He only drinks and eats liquids and foods that have the corn syrup in them. Dave has also acquired pure high fructose corn syrup straight from the manufacturer and drinks a glass of it as soon as he gets up in the morning. His new diet also strictly forbids any organic or healthy food and drink options.
Dave stated, “People are always saying you got to eat healthy, you got to eat more organic foods. Well I don’t believe that load of bullcrap for one second. If you go back hundreds of years, all people ate was organic and healthy foods since that was all that was available to them and they all died much younger than we do now. I believe healthy foods are to blame for this and I believe processed foods that contain things like high fructose corn syrup and trans fats are good for you. They are what keep us going and they extend our life spans.”
When we suggested to Mr. Camby that the tremendous advancements in medicine and science might be the reason for the extended life spans of the human race, the 320 pound Camby stated that that isn’t true because he hasn’t been to a doctor in ten years and he is completely healthy.