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Johnny Football

Los Angeles, California – Johnny Manziel announced his retirement from the NFL today at the age of 23. He in turn announced his new career move, a professional beer drinker. Manziel will enter beer drinking contests across the globe starting with one at Oktoberfest in Germany this fall.

Manziel stated, “I contemplated checking myself into rehab and getting back into the NFL for months, but I had a revelation one night that that isn’t who I am. The thing I’m best at in life is drinking vast quantities of alcohol in a short amount of time and I think it’s time I follow my true path in life. I’ve been training for months now building up my tolerance and my chugging abilities. I expect to win every tournament I enter, starting with my first one in Germany.”

Manziel has also reportedly hired Lindsay Lohan as his personal trainer.

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