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Trump to ban long hair

Washington, DC – Admitting his hairline isn’t what it use to be, Republican Party nominee Donald Trump admitted Thursday that he plans on enacting a law, if elected, that’ll ban long hair on men so that all men can feel the same struggle with hair that he constantly goes through.

“A lot of people are saying that since I grew up wealthy that I didn’t have any personal struggles. Well I tell ya that having this kind of hair is something that someone in poverty can’t even understand,” said Trump while sitting on the curb caressing his legs, adding the fact that he’s had worse experiences in life than anyone else just because of his hair.

“How would you like to be 30 at one point, and already bald. It just isn’t fair, and no one understands that it upsets me.”

Trump admits his willingness to try hair products that’ll help his baldness, but admits he hasn’t found anything that has helped enough. “Since everyone doesn’t understand where I come from, I decided if I get elected I will ban long hair on men so they all can feel the same pain I had when I first discovered I was balding at 22.”

Trump continued to say he plans on getting a hair transplant from his son this month.


 

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