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Express Checkout

Rochester, New York – Wegmans Food Markets announced today that starting on September 1st, all locations will start branding the forehead of customers who enter the 7 items or less or the 15 items or less checkout aisles with more than the required number of items listed. Small blacksmith furnaces will be installed at all of these checkout aisles before then and all cashiers will be trained on the use of a branding iron. The branding irons will have the numbers 7 or 15 on the business end.

Says Owner Danny Wegman, “You wouldn’t believe how many inconsiderate dicks enter these 7 or 15 items or less checkout aisles with 50 plus items in their cart. They don’t do it because they are dumb, they just do it because they are dicks. We believe this new system will not only punish those who do this, but it will also prevent others from doing this as well.”

Mr. Wegman also stated that if you see anyone in town with the number 7 or the number 15 branded into their forehead, he encourages you to shame and shun them.

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