The Man Squirtle

Charlotte, North Carolina – In the seemingly ever growing list of sexual identities, a Charlotte, North Carolina man claims that he identifies as the popular Pokemon, Squirtle. Martin Justich, age 32, says his sexual identity is that of a Squirtle. The new classification is known as Squirtlesexual according to Mr. Justich.

Just like many of these new sexual orientations out there, we at theBURNward are just as confused as you. We’re not sure if this means he is saying he is male, female, female trapped in a man’s body, a Squirtle trapped in a man’s body, or something else entirely despite the fact that he physically has a penis attached to his body.

Mr. Justich could not be reached for further comment as we were not allowed to enter his safe space.


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