John Reznik

Buffalo, New York – John Rzeznik of the Goo Goo Dolls has come out to say that he wants to have a baby, but with himself.

Sources confirmed that when asked, John will say he realizes he is only attracted to himself, “Whenever I was with a woman I never felt any pleasure until I put mirrors around my bed allowing me to see myself. I finally realized the only way for me to be happy is to quit music and create a child with myself.”

When asked about how he can make a child with himself, he simply replied, “Asexual reproduction, I already have a scientist looking into it and I’m quitting music to be able to spend more time with myself.”

John Rzeznik was reportedly seen this week walking down the street one hand holding the other while whispering sweet nothings to himself.


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